Paternoster is always for me a place of solitude where things contradictory and befuddling can come together like a flight of geese wending its way across an evening sky. Even the painful troubles of a region seem to fade in the reddening light of dusk. This pair of geese flies home today after nearly three months immersed in the wonders and tribulations of the Cape. Our thoughts come together in a formation of sorts. Perhaps a formation that will set a pattern for the return journey.
The problems of the male loom large in the picture before us. Toxic masculinity and the failure of the male identity. Followers of Capewonders are familiar with this territory. Murder, rape, child abuse, gang warfare are all features of a society in travail. And not just here, but everywhere in one degree or another. But, what to do?
Two Sundays ago I spoke of the problem at three Catholic Masses in one middle class parish of Cape Town. The people who spoke with me afterwards were women. Each had a story of family relationships disintegrating, unhappy husbands, aimless sons, insecure daughters. Modern sociological thought emphasises the role of inevitable global trends as the cause. Psychology looks to the fragmentation of the individual in the face of powerful social forces. These and other disciplines of our 21st century world seem to wobble and waffle in the face of the challenge.
For many it is difficult even to know how to frame the question. Does the world need its men to be restored? And to what? This community, perhaps like all other communities, does need its men to be restored. And it needs them to be restored as true fathers of their children and the wider family around them. It’s the piece that’s missing. Men do the biological bit; the rest is left to women. Women long for a new generation of men who will be true fathers; who will cherish rather than abuse, affirm rather than destroy; men who will protect rather than endanger, love rather than hate.
As I prepare to leave Paternoster and the Cape today, I wonder if this dream has wings. Or is it just another flock of pies in the sky.
